TRIGGER WARNING: Accounts of torture, violence and black magic
When revert sister Sarah realises her husband is interested in taking a second wife, she tries to be a supportive partner. But not all that glitters is always gold, and as the secrets and deceit begin to pile up, it’s Sarah and her children who end up paying the price.
Join us on a harrowing journey through Europe and North Africa as Sarah fights for survival and tries to break free from a situation that has spiralled out of control.
This is the second part of two episodes covering stories of polygamy in Islam, hearing directly from the wives in question. Note, the first half of the story is related to Sarah’s polygamous experience. The latter half is other themes described in the trigger warning. Listener discretion is advised.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed on these podcasts are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Not Another Mum Pod’s management or of any sponsors. Any content provided by our contributors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, identity (gender or sexual) club, organization, company, individual or anyone or anything.
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Not Another Mum Pod is now under the Muslim Mamas umbrella.
Intro
Nafisa:
Salaams and welcome to another episode of Not Another Mum Pod! So today we continue the theme of polygamy, a super hot topic in our community so will try to be as sensitive as we can. This particular episode is pretty triggering so do be mindful.
Tasneem:
Naf, last week we spoke to Layla who was the second wife in a marriage and she spoke at length about how she made it work – albeit not without controversy. Without giving anything away or any spoilers, what did you think of Layla’s story?
Nafisa:
I have to say, if I’m honest and especially once I’ve had some time to digest, I think there are a lot of unspoken challenges and they haven’t been addressed in the episode. I think perhaps layla was conscious of her listeners and did not want to talk about issues that may leave her vulnerable and no matter how much one protests, there has to be that green eyed monster lurking there – it’s human nature.
Tasneem:
So that brings me to our guest today. We’re going to be talking to sister Sarah who was born and raised in Western Europe. She reverted to Islam when she was studying at the age of 20 and got married at the age of 21.
After completing her studies, she became a mother, now armed with a masters degree. After a tumultuous marriage, Sarah came to the UK with her children, and rebuilt her life here without him, launching several start-up companies with her business partner and other creative arts.
Sarah’s here to talk to us about her own experience with polygamy and the toxic impact it had on her life.
Nafisa:
Welcome Sarah! Thanks so much for coming on the pod tonight.
Some questions that were asked and the ending
Questions
- How did you meet your husband?
- How was your courtship? Why did you decide to get married to him?
- Tell us about when your husband first mentioned he wanted a second wife?
- How did you react/feel? What was his reasoning behind it?
- Describe your first meeting with a potential wife?
- Where were you living at the time – was it after the kids? What was your relationship like at the time?
- How did you come to terms with him wanting another wife – or did you come to terms with it? Is it even possible to accept it?
- What happened during the days he was searching for another wife? How did you cope?
- What effect did this have on your mental health, your children?
- How did he find someone in the end? Tell us about her.
- What happened to your relationship after they got married?
- Was his second wife involved in your life at all? Did your children meet her? How did they react to all this?
References
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/7732/proposal-from-a-shaykh-to-be-his-second-wife-dealing-with-polygamy-in-islam/
Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “A man who has two wives and he does not deal justly with them will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.” (Sunan at-Tirmidhi, no: 1141)
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/162287/why-did-the-prophet-blessings-and-peace-of-allah-be-upon-him-not-allow-ali-ibn-abi-taalib-to-take-a-second-wife-when-he-was-married-to-faatimah-may-allah-be-pleased-with-them-both
Qur’an chapter 4, An-Nisa, The Women: https://quran.com/4/3?translations=17,19,20,22,84,18,21,95,85,101
